


Not Ready Yet

by arisakashiori



Category: haikyuu
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:47:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27224494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arisakashiori/pseuds/arisakashiori
Summary: All they wanted was to be loved. All they wanted was to stay by their side. However, both of them got rejected by the person they love the most, and by a twist of fate they met and became friends. Will they learn to love each other despite not being able to move on from the heartbreak? Or will something major happen that will change their relationship forever?
Relationships: Nishinoya Yuu/Amanai Kanoka, Yuu Nishinoya/Kanoka Amanai, slight Tanaka Ryuunosuke/Shimizu Kiyoko
Kudos: 2





	Not Ready Yet

**Author's Note:**

> i recommend you to read this fic on a phone instead of pc ^^

"I'm sorry, Nishinoya, but I don't think I'm ready yet."

Those words that escaped the lips of Nishinoya Yuu's longtime crush Kiyoko Shimizu hit him deep in his subconsciousness. Yes, it was very obvious through his actions with his best friend Ryuunosuke Tanaka that he likes Kiyoko so much, but this was the first time he was serious on confessing his love.

He knew this moment would happen anyway, he knew he would get rejected but why does it hurt so much?

He just wanted to leave the scene and cry his heart out.

So in an act of defeat, he gave her a soft smile and said a few words to her and slowly fled the scene. He wanted to get out of the inn they were staying during the nationals as soon as possible, because he didn't know what he would do if he stayed another minute there.

He doesn't know where he was going, it didn't matter to him anyways. The others would just ask his best friend or Kiyoko where he went, so he doubted someone would find him at the spot he chose to hide. It was a park filled with so many flowers that are blooming, it was a peaceful view to look at so he wouldn't have to worry about the noise. It was night anyways.

He heard several footsteps accompanied by huffs that was most likely due to running. He heard a familiar voice after a session of panting.

"Noyassaaaannn!!!"

Ah, so there was still someone else that cared for him. He's so lucky to have Ryuunosuke Tanaka as his best friend, they weren't jealous of each other that they both liked Kiyoko-san and even made plans just to get her but of course it fails.

The bald guy saw a short person with a spiky hair standing near the hydrangeas, so he went near the guy to confirm if it was Nishinoya.

And it was.

"Noyassan, what are you doing here? We've been looking all over for you!"

"You were?"

Tanaka did not expect this sudden change of his tone. Usually he would reply in an upbeat, cheery tone but this time it was changed into a tone of sadness, as if that person was dejected.

"Of course I was! You have no idea how I--wait, why are you crying?"

Nishinoya didn't know he was crying until Ryuu pointed out the tears that unwillingly fell out from his eyes. He slowly wiped his tears with his knuckles and chuckled at the thought.

"What happened, Noyassan?" The latter just looked at him in the eyes and smiled. However the former knew it was a forced one because he knew him so much, he knew that something was wrong with him.

"Come on, Noyassan. You know I hate it when someone lies to me, right? And also you can tell me anything you want me to know. But then again, if you don't really wanna say it then it's fine with me."

As if it was the last straw, Nishinoya threw his arms around Tanaka's torso and wept loudly. Tanaka just patted his spiky yet soft hair and tried his best to calm himself down.

"It hurts so much, Ryuu... I l-love her and yet..."

Tanaka could never be jealous of him liking Kiyoko-san, instead he too was hurt at the sight of his best friend crying because he got rejected. He knew that Nishinoya tried his best at professing his love, even if Kiyoko-san never saw him being serious about it.

"There, there. I'm sure there would be someone else that would love you unconditionally." He said as he patted Nishinoya on the back. Nishinoya's sniffles gradually became quieter, and he couldn't help but notice the wet patch that was on Ryuu's shirt.

"Ah--I'm sorry for the stains! If you want I could wash them in the laundry..."

"Hahaha! No need for that Noyassan! I'm glad that you're able to calm down, though, so this stain doesn't bother me that much. Now, shall we go back to the inn?"

"You go first, I want to stay here for a little longer."

As if respecting his decision, Tanaka patted his shoulder and walked back to the inn. Nishinoya just stared at him as he was leaving. "Ah, how lucky I am to have him as his best friend." He mumbled.

But then he heard sniffles from nearby.

He checked around the area until he saw a tall girl sitting by the bushes, with short hair and a track jacket that wrote "Niiyama" on the back side. Her head was buried in between her legs as he observed her shoulders going up and down most likely due to her crying.

He went near the girl and sat in front of her and waited for her to finish crying. As if there was someone watching her, the girl lifted her head only to be surprised by the sudden figure that appeared right in front of her.

"W-Who... who are you...?" The girl asked. Nishinoya knew this familiar face, he tried to remember when was the time that he saw this face until he remembered something. It was the same girl who stopped him just before his face got buried between her chest.

"O-oh! Hello, I'm Nishinoya! I'm the guy that almost hit you right before Nationals started!" As if something clicked on her mind, the girl remembered what happened that day.

"Ahh! You're that guy! I'm Kanoka Amanai... h-hello..." She introduced before giving him a soft smile.

Kanoka.... Amanai...

"Oh wait! You're that girl Ryuu kept telling me about! So nice to finally meet you!"

"Please don't mention his name!"

He stopped. Kanoka's face turned into a frown, and she looked away but is unable to hide the tears that were trying to escape from her eyes. Nishinoya suddenly felt guilty.

"I-I'm sorry, but did something happen? I-I mean it's okay if you don't tell me anything but what did he do?" "That was..."

_\- Flashback -_

_Moments before Ryuu found Nishinoya at the park, he went to his daily routine: greeting Kiyoko and offering to help her in her jobs. Ryuu excitedly leapt towards the hall near the dining area._

_"Kiyoko-saaaaaaan!"_

_"Ah, Tanaka."_

_"Let me help you carry those!"_

_"No thanks, I can do this on my own."_

_But Ryuu didn't give up. He kept pestering Kiyoko into helping her with anything, but unbeknownst to him, someone was watching his actions. Kanoka._

_"Ryuu-chan... you have someone you love now, huh..." She smiled sadly while whispering. She wanted to get out of the scene already, it was slowly hurting her. However she couldn't bring herself to leave, she wanted to see more of his actions._

_It was when Kiyoko patted his head and he stared at her as she leaves that she ran towards the same park Nishinoya went and wept her eyes out._

_\- End of Flashback -_

"So you see, I like him a lot... Even though I knew he only saw me as his childhood friend, I couldn't help these feelings. He was the guy who helped me stand with my own two feet and fight back against all the people who bullied me because of my height... He was my strength..." She said as she sobbed loudly again, not minding of Nishinoya's presence.

He wanted to comfort her, to let her know that someone is willing to listen to all her problems, so he sat by her side and slowly patted her back. He felt the latter flinch at his actions, but it doesn't seem like she rejects the comfort so he just continued to pat her back.

"You don't know how all of these things that happened to you earlier coincide with mine, I got rejected too. Although in my case, it was a direct refusal rather than yours." He told her everything that happened, and she couldn't help but smile.

"You're so strong, Nishinoya-san... I could never say the phrase 'Please be happy, even if I'm not the reason' in front of the person who rejected me..."

"Oh please, just call me Yuu."

"Okay, Yuu-kun."

"I told you, call me Yuu. Drop the 'kun', please."

"I'm sorry, but that's what my parents taught me. If I don't know much about that person, then whatever they want me to call them I will address them with 'kun' or 'san', so I will call you Yuu-kun."

"Whatever you say, Kanoka-san."

They both laughed after that.

Then they both went silent, lost in their own thoughts. The rustling of the leaves and the cold breeze of the wind was the only sound heard in the area, and both didn't mind the silence. Actually, it was so peaceful to them.

Not until the guy came up with an idea.

"Um, Kanoka-san... if you wouldn't mind..." He said as he faced her with his hands fidgeting. It was the weirdest idea he could ever think of, but he wanted to give it a try.

"What is it, Yuu-kun?"

"Would you... like to be my rebound?" He closed his eyes as soon as he said the last word. He expected to be rejected once again, so he was ready if it were to happen. However, what he heard from her was the phrase that he hated so much he didn't want to hear it.

"I'm sorry, I'm not ready yet..."

\--

Few days after Karasuno's match against Inarizaki, Nishinoya and Kanoka went back to the same spot where they met and decided that they should just stay friends. So ever since then, they would hang out every after practice. Of course, this goes noticed by Ryuu. He went to speak with Noya two months after Karasuno's match against Nekoma.

"Say, Noyassan. You've been hanging out with Kanoka nowadays. Mind telling me what happened after I left that day?" And he did. Ryuu was shocked to see them hanging out, but wasn't surprised in making friends with his childhood friend.

"Do you, by any chance, like her?"

Okay, that was unexpected.

Kanoka was a fun person to be with, every time they would hang out is never boring, however he couldn't see her as someone he wants to be with for the rest of his life. Not until he remembered what happened at the park. Her expressions were really gloomy, and all Nishinoya thought when he saw it was how to remove that gloomy expression of hers and return back her smile. It seems... all Nishinoya wanted was to protect her from being hurt once more.

Was it... love?

"I... I don't know. I don't want to know, since I haven't moved on yet. I don't want to start another relationship when I can't move on." He clarified, looking away from his best friend.

"Aha! So you DO want to start a relationship with her! That's good, Ryuu! You both are great for each other!" Nishinoya was ticked. He grabbed him by the collar and shoved him against the wall.

"How dare you say that when all she wanted was you in the first place?! It was so obvious that she liked you a lot, but here you are still chasing Kiyoko-san when it is SO CLEAR that there's someone who loves you so much! Now she's hurt because of you, and all I wanted is for her not to feel hurt again that's why I've been hanging out with her! You were never by her side when she needed you the most anyways!!!"

Even though they were the only person inside the gym, someone heard everything he said.

Kanoka.

She never thought Nishinoya would feel like this, because every time he would hang out with her, it would only look like they were only good friends, so she never expected to hear his true feelings for her. He wanted to protect her. He wanted to be by her side when Ryuu, her childhood friend, couldn't.

It was then she realized she wanted to stay by his side, too. She felt guilty at rejecting his offer to be his rebound, since that would mean that they would stay by each other's side. But right now, she doesn't think that would ever happen since she wants to be with him not as his rebound, but as someone who will stay with her no matter what happens.

Nishinoya left the gym before Tanaka, with a frowned expression. But it changed suddenly when he saw Kanoka by the entrance. He started to feel embarrassed and feared that she heard everything he said back at the gym. Kanoka saw him and greeted her with a smile, like she always did when they were still hanging out.

"A-Ah! Kanoka-san! How long have you been there?"

"Not very long..." He breathed a sigh of relief and smiled back at her, which caused Kanoka to be relieved for him not figuring out that she heard everything.

"Yuu-kun, do you mind if we walk together back home?"

"Are we not already walking back home?" She giggled.

"You have a point there." It was silent when they were walking towards their home, lost in their own world again. However it was not because of the rejection, it's because they were thinking about each other.

Just as everything went by so peacefully, Nishinoya noticed a motorcycle approaching them, but it wasn't the motor that alarmed him. It was the guy sitting at the back, holding a gun in his hands.

"Kanoka-san! Look out!"

_BANG!_

Kanoka was snapped off from her thoughts when she heard a loud bang. She tried to figure out what happened, not until she felt the sudden tightening of the grip of someone in front of her. Someone must've targeted her, but they didn't hit the bullseye.

Instead, Nishinoya shielded his body to take the shot.

"Yuu-kun!" She shouted. They were the only person in the area at that time, and she panicked even more when she saw where he was shot. Straight near his left chest.

"Yuu-kun, can you hear me?! Hey, answer me!" She pleaded as she tapped Nishinoya on his cheeks to wake him up. There was no response. Few seconds later, Nishinoya slowly cupped Kanoka's face as she tried her best to fight back the tears that were threatening to drop down to his face.

"Kanoka...san..." He smiled. Kanoka held the hand that was cupping her face and tried her best to smile back, but deep inside she couldn't. He caressed his thumb over her eyes to remove the tears that keep falling down.

"No, don't leave me please! I still haven't told you anything yet!"

"Tell... me anything... I'm here... to listen to you..." He weakly said as he coughed blood, spilling some in Kanoka's face.

"I... I want to be by your side! So don't leave me, please!" Kanoka couldn't help but sob loudly.

"I won't..." He assured her. But all he heard as a response was the very phrase he loathed so much, but since he was about to leave, he didn't mind hearing it just to hear her soft voice.

"I'm... not ready yet..." Tears started to flow from his eyes, but he tried to stay strong as he breathed short breaths. He wanted her to see him happy, even in his last moments.

"I... want to stay by your side as well, K-Kanoka... san..." Using all of his strength left, he pulled her face into his for a sweet kiss. It was a heartbreaking first kiss, but neither of them want to pull away from this tender moment. Then again, someone has to pull away from the kiss, as it couldn't last forever. Nothing lasts forever anyways. She pulled him close to her chest, hearing the soft short breaths the guy kept releasing.

"Call me Yuu... please..."

"Yuu... I love you..."

"Thank you... I love you too..."

All was lost when he closed his eyes and never opened them anymore.

As soon as she saw him peacefully drifting off to the afterlife, she laid him slowly and pulled something sharp from her bag. She used this emergency pocket knife she always brings to stab herself multiple times until she could feel herself fading away.

"Now... I'm ready..."

**Author's Note:**

> this was my entry for #ryuuichiraredyingpair on FB but i just wanted to share this in AO3 heheh! thank you for reading!


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